After being alive for a decent time, during which I’ve met and interacted with other living people, I’ve come to a sort of guess or understanding of one version of life.
It starts with comfort for most of us, when we grow up sheltered and taken care of. Some others are already alone, or feel alone given circumstances.
As we mature and our beliefs develop and our thinking gets deeper, we might then start to look for people whom we feel we belong with. Not finding that group leads to loneliness for some.
This is the part where we might realize the people we grew up with might be quite different from us and that we can’t totally see eye to eye.
And for those who get married, it might be to someone they belong with, or they’ll soon discover that even between spouses there isn’t that level of sameness that they once sought and maybe even found.
That could explain why we still need time apart, to hang with people we can really identify with. For men I guess there’s a tendency to be with other men. Brotherhood is a special feeling, and perhaps sisterhood might feel similar, although I think women don’t usually stick with a bunch of friends for so long or hang out so often. I’m being very general, maybe even narrow or factually inaccurate but that’s not important in this discussion.
I guess some married people then put hope in their children or future children; after all it’s a person they’re molding from the start.
Then it might happen to their child as it did to them, that he will identify more with somebody else. In fact the child might adopt and embody traits that the parent despises and has been staying away from. It is, after all, not in a parent’s control who the child chooses to emulate.
And once this child leaves, for whatever reason, the adult might feel more alone than ever.
Loneliness is subjective and actually totally within our control.
If you found yourself disagreeing with points above then chances are you’re either blessed to be around people you can relate to on almost every level, or you have taken steps to make it happen.
Make it happen. That’s exactly what anyone who found themselves agreeing with my thoughts above, should do.
If you want a certain life, take small actions regularly to get yourself there.
The important points are:
1) these steps are small – that way acting on them feels achievable and not daunting. After some successes you’ll feel more driven.
2) they are consistent – If you start on something important, STICK. WITH. IT.
3) you regularly reflect honestly – reflection ensures we stay on track and identify what’s working (keep these) and what’s not (modify or remove these). Honesty is the safeguard from going down a path we WISH is right but might not be at all. Keep it real.
Lastly, I believe in finding our Positive True Love. This is something we can do so much that we lose track of time. I said Positive because sometimes we get carried away with things that actually damage us.
For instance, i love reading and writing. I can find company, solace and fulfillment in these two. Note: this is a SPECIFIC type of solace and fulfillment, as these two have different aspects that are met differently. At least for me.
I could spend most of my time busy with these two things and end up feeling really happy and fulfilled. I’ll feel good! But here’s where things aren’t gonna sound so rosy anymore. Here i will explain how it seems to me from my perspective and given my situation.
If i selfishly spend much time on these things i like (which are, unfortunately, individual activities that require some distance from others) i will lead my loved ones feeling estranged, and when I’m NOT in the mood to read and write, I assume it’s their company I might want or need. As much as human interactions are quite tiring, demanding and sometimes pointless for me, I believe i need to keep telling myself that that isn’t what I truly believe. That these sentiments spawn from some underlying frustration and dissatisfaction about a number of things, and they colour my mood negative. And when i don’t feel so good, nearly EVERYTHING is bad and it takes a great amount of self-restraint and patience for me to behave like a decent human being and not blow my top or lash out at people who i find annoying then.
The only issue with all that is it requires willpower to sustain, which is a finite resource. There have been dark, dark moments when i had to just face up to the fact that i really, really don’t need to be surrounded by people to be happy.
I’m truly happy when i know my loved ones are doing alright, out of harm or trouble. And that’s mostly it.
The conflict arises in me when I know that for THEM to be happy, they want me around. So i must give in, because that is my duty to them and that is the least i can do after ALL i have taken, with or without asking.
And so at the end of the day, when the water is still and i can look through to the deepest end of me, the realization is clear as day: i am truly physically alone in this world.
As much as you can ‘change’ or ‘control’ what loneliness is, this writer believes that he is indeed alone. Sometimes lonely, but always alone.
The people around me whom i love are temporary companions. I can do all i want to make these relationships powerful and positive, but i am only one half of these relationships. People will disappoint, as i have myself, and perhaps most painful of all is that i don’t think anybody is willing to accept my view of reality, and instead will attach some negativity to it.
For instance, i’m only saying these things because they are ‘not good enough’ or that they are a burden to me, or that ‘i should have picked somebody else’.
These are not true. Not at all. I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: if i could relive my life and build the people part from scratch, i’d pick the same people to be my family and spouse and some close friends; these are the most important to me. Some friends and whatever i could do without hahaha but that’s not important.
I’m as alone now as i will be in my grave, and perhaps it is only when i am there that you all will see how your company is arbitrary… but your LOVE… your love and prayers will mean the world to me.
I hope you see that my love for you makes you my world, even if that means i’m sometimes not there beside you.
I love you all, and i hope all of you live a life of love.